Relatively Useless, If anything at all.

It's me! Daniel! You know, From School!

2009-04-30T18:22:00.000-07:00

Whoa, Hey, What , whodatohmygosh IT'S ME!!! DANIEL! I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!! Seriously! ME! DANIEL! Ok, so we've gotten the point across, right? It's me, Daniel. And I'm alive.

What have I been doing lately? Well, I was in the school musical at North Layton. That's why I've not posted here in a while, and for that you have my sincere apoligivites. But the show, Man it was AWESOME! And most of that awesomeness was supplied by the awesome people who made the play awesome.

But let's backtrack it a little bit. The play was called "Once On This Island", twas basically a Caribbean retelling of the original Little Mermaid story but with Rich people and Peasants instead of people and creepy sea people. It takes place on an Island where rivers run deep, where the sea sparkling in the sun earns the name "Jewel of the Antilles", an Island where the poorest of the peasants labor, and the wealthiest of the Grand-Hommes play. You see, there are two different worlds on one island. The Grand-Hommes, owners of the land, and masters of their own fate, And the Peasants, eternally at the mercy of the wind and the sea, who pray constantly... To the gods! Asaka, Mother of the earth, Agwe, God of Water, Erzulie, Beautiful goddess of love, and Papa Ge (yes, it's pronounced the way you think it is...) sly demon of death! This peasant girl who was saved by the gods from a storm falls in love with a rich french guy, and she sells her soul to Papa Ge to keep him alive after Richm'n crashes into a tree somehow. Her love, Named Daniel, is taken back to his rich whateverland and she goes to find him there, where she discovers that he's engaged to some french girl named Andrea. Her heart is broken, and she waits for her love outside of the gates until he is married. He pretty much ignores her, so she dies somehow and the gods turn her into... A TREE! A friggin' tree. Cue big dance number and emotional "entire cast gathers 'round the campfire and sings" thing. Good times had by all, greatest time of my life.

So that was basically the intro to the play. I played Agwe (one of the lead parts), and I got my own song and everything. Which is surprising considering the only reason I tried out was because my friends Bailey, Isaac, Grant and Blake did. Bailey ended up doing a Friggin' awesome job as Andrea and Isaac had two lines as French Gossiper #2, Grant was a storyteller and Blake was Isaac's peasant soulmate, Peasant #2.Which was equally as awesome. Great job guys. Anyway, this whole post so far has been leading up to this awesome sentence that will change all of our lives forever:

I'm making a documentary.

"Whoa, did he just say that? My life is forever changed!"

So yeah, I filmed a lot of the rehearsals and stuff, totalling at about 3 and a half hours of footage. I'm gonna start editing it together and making it into the greatest documentary ever! Who wants to help me? Anybody?

Fine. Losers. I'll make my own best film ever.

Anyway, other than that, I'm still just being awesome. Oh, check this out.

Yes. Just... Yes.

Man, I spent a ton of time on that Once on this Island summary...

Oh, how Awesome is "Moulin Rouge!"? I just watched it for the first time in a long time a few days ago, I never really realized how awesomely hyperactive it is. It's like the film editor had really bad ADD when he put it together. So cool. And the soundtrack is awesome too, I love how they start singing "Smells like Teen Spirit" in the middle of some big show tune type dealio. And that's awl ah have t'say 'bout that.

I bought The Silversun Pickups' new album, Swoon. Good stuff! I enjoy it about as much as I like their first album, it's every bit as Siamese Dream-ish as Carnavas. Get dat.

I'm really excited for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which comes out tomorrow. It looks to be a kick-awesome film indeed.

I'm also REALLY looking forward to... wait for it... Wait for it... Star Trek!

I think it was a GENIUS idea to bring this kinda-dying franchise back to life with an Origin story and young cast for Kirk, Spock, Scotty and the original crew of the good ol' USS Enterprise. Ok, I sound like a trekkie, but I swear I'm not. I've only ever seen a few episodes of the original show and The Next Generation. And Star Trek IV.

Whales!

Live long and prosper, whales. You're my favorite aquatic mammals.

And with that, my glorious return to the bloggish realm is here. Here's the Shatman.

And just for fun, Elton John. Who's going on tour again with Billy Joel. I gotta see that. Way to scare the crap outta me, Elton. I think it's gonna be a long, long time before I get that image out of my head...

Wow

2008-12-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

So like a month ago, me and my homeboys (my brothers and my dad) went and saw Quantum of Solace. As we were walking out, we saw this monstrosity of a poster...

We had a laugh at the crazy looking Goat, Lizard, Monkey, orb wielding people, and thought the title sounded like a noise you'd make when you sneeze,but thought nothing of it. We went on our merry way.

So just like 15 minutes ago, i found a Yahoo! headline thing that said "Animated 'Delgo' Has Worst Wide Release Opening Ever". That's right, ever. Here's a tidbit from the article.

"Don't feel too left out if you missed seeing the animated adventure movie "Delgo" this past weekend. No one did. In fact, the movie broke a record for having the worst opening ever for a film in wide release. "Delgo" earned a measly $511,920 this weekend on 2,160 screens, not even breaking the top ten. That's an average of $237 per screen for the three days. If you figure there were five screenings a day, and assume ticket prices are about $8, that comes out to two people in the theater per showing."

And apparently some guy just decided to make a 40 million dollar CGI movie, didn't get picked up by a studio, and made only half a million dollars. Poor guy. I laugh at him. But who would miss out on such a magical film? IMDB list such classic characters as Filo, Bogardus(My personal favorite. It's not a very pleasant name.),Elder Marley, Delgo's Father, Narrator (what a terrible name), Ando, Giddy, Lockni Man, and Spig and Spog. I mean, come on people. Can't we just give Bogardus (that name gets a laugh out of me every time, man) a break and go see his freakin' movie? The poster we saw even said it won a "Red Stick Award" for best animated feature. I mean, come on, who doesn't want a red stick?

K, I'm done going on about this. Anyone wanna go see Delgo? I heard it's really good. LIES!

One time...

2008-11-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

You know, John Lennon once said, "Sometimes... when you argue... It almost makes you less... less smarter than you...usually are..."

I'm pretty sure he said that...Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was him. Yep, It definitely was. It was him. It was definitely John Lennon. Don't... Don't argue with me.

Hey, You guys!

2008-11-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE!

Good ol' chunk... You guys know the Goonies, right? Um shut up yes you do.

Anyway, Just thought I'd say I'm still alive, if any of you care. Which I'm sure not many of you do, but... you know. Just sayin'.

Hey Bailey and Rachel and any of my other friends who found my blog... How'd you find my blog? You guys are just like making references to it and stuff, and I still don't get how the heck you found it.

So... Here's a picture of a marmoset.

He's cool, get off his case.

Mullets and Shatperds Pie...

2008-10-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hey, Wow, Guys, IT'S ME! You KNOW it! I've been stavin' it off for a while, but I'm back in the Bloggidee worl'! Let's see what's new... Oh, Oh, Oh, One time, like a week ago even, This one kid had a mullet. Then he shaved it. I know right? Freakin' Freaked me the OUT!

That's Mulletastic! I came up with an equation for a mullet. If L=3T, then M must exist. (L=Length, T=Top, M=MULLET!) Can you really argue with me there? No, you can't.

Idiot.

So In other news, (Or Another News, as Blair once told me in a childhood dream) How freakin' good is pumpkin pie? I'll tell you how good it is you communist, It's Freakin' good.

You want it. Shut up yes you do.

For some strange reason, This one's not quite as appealing... hm...

Well, Until next time, Please stop trying to handle my style. You can NOT handle my style. Now get thee hence.

Holy Blogged, Batm'n!

2008-08-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

'Sup people. I'm still Daniel. Contrary to popular belief, no I was not killed at the Olympics. Whoever started that rumor gets no cookies. (I'm looking at YOU, Blair...) Anyways, Cool stuff's been going on. Went and saw Clap Your Hands Say Yeah live, and it was awesome. There's more details on my brother's blogs, I'm just too lazy to post them. Also, why are bags of skittles so hard to open? You spend more time opening the freakin' bag than you do eating the things!

Anyway, I guess I'm done with all my philosophical ramblings... about Skittles, anyway.

So in conclusion, a midget probably wouldn't make a great pet. Amen.

Cooletht thing ever.

2008-07-10T09:50:00.001-07:00

I know some of you get this joke. It's funny. Laugh.

No!

2008-07-01T21:01:00.001-07:00

Oh, Not again! It would appear that Small Herschell has gotten into the cookie jar! And he's stolen Father's Tankard! Oh, and he's got a newsie's hat on too. He's america's hero. Well, Better go gather the villagers to help catch him. Anyone got a garden hose?

Seriously...

2008-06-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

What should I call my band? I need some ideas. Preferably one word, or an amalgamation of words. Sanku yoo!

The Conflict of the Ninjas and the Leprechauns

2008-05-03T10:40:00.000-07:00

For a million zillion years now, ninjas and leprechauns have been the ultimate rivals. Leprechauns have waved their little canes around at Ninjas, whilst the Ninjas smack the irish goldmongering midgets in the head with their Nunchaku. The story of why they are so aggresive towards each other has finally been revealed by the leprechaun leader Seamus McHoolihan O'Reilly against the will of the Ninja leader Ninj. The Legend goes as such.
In the ancient times, Japan and Ireland were sausage-linked to each other with real Italian Sausages. The Leprechauns and Ninjas lived happily together in harmony. The Ninjas assassinated anyone the Leprechauns wanted dead and the Leprechauns providing the Ninjas with gold to make their kick-awesome Nunchaku. It was the circle of life. Or death. Or whatever the heck you wanna call it. So anyway, Ninj and Seamus were the bestest of friends. One day as they sat together watching the golden sun set, Seamus asked if him and Ninj would be friends forever. "The Foreverest" said Ninj, the words not synced to his mouth.
The next day Ninj woke up to go get his nunchaku from his secret fortress, but they were gone. Ninj knew that the only person who knew were they were hidden was Seamus, so he went to seamus's house. Seamus opened the door and the stereotypical smell of irish food cooking wafted out the door. Ninj smacked him in the head and ran way. Seamus took this seriously, so he got mad and ripped the tender sausage links that held Japan and Ireland together apart, and they drifted away.
That is how ninjas and leprechauns became enemies.

Dentists...

2008-05-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

So i had to go to the dentist 2 days in a row this week to get some fillin's. As cool as my dentist is, I hate going to the dentist... they drill into you with their evil intsruments borrowed from SATAN. They had to numb up my mouth both times, and that stuff bugs the crap out of me with it's "Numb up yo mouf UP for like 5 friggin' hours" action. I've always loved how the dentists just sit there and concentrate more on their conversation with each other than the actual dentist...ing.
"So how was your day?"
"Good, I went to my kid's play"
"Oh, Keith?"
"No, Kyle"
"Oh. How's Keith doing?"
"Good"
"Good"
I kept half expecting to hear something like,
"Oh my gosh, look at his ear!"
"What th- How did the drill get by his ear???"
Going to the dentist sucks...
In other news, my friends get mad at me when I use proper English and punctuation when text messaging. It's just instinct. Good night.

UPDATE!...'D!

2008-04-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

Wuzzup guys. My name is called Daniel, and I haven't made a major post on here since February. This post will cover just about everything, so hold on t-t-t-TIGHT!
First off, if you haven't heard, me and my friend Isaac have a band going on. We performed Silverchair's "The Greatest View" at our school talent show about two weeks ago, (Which you can view HERE) and we ROCKED. I hate the sound of my own voice though. So next up, another epic list from your friendly host, Me! This one I wrote in Church.

Logan Jacklinks=Satan

Satan=Stan

Stan=Supaman

Supaman=Leroy

Leroy=Papa Papa Longjohns

Papa Papa Longjohns=Olaf

Olaf=Royce

Royce=Spall Jenkins

Spall Jenkins=Carrot Juice

Carrot Juice=Paul

Paul=Paul

Paul=Isosceles Triangle Pie

Isosceles Triangle Pie= Dawg Pauldron

Dawg Pauldron=A Hearty Bowl O' Biscuits

Said Bowl O' Biscuits=George LeGaga

George LeGaga=Sonny!

Sonny!=Sunny D

Sunny D=Bubba Jones, Y'all!

Bubba Jones, Y'all!=Douglas' Song

Douglas' Song= Kaizer

Kaizer= Thammintch

Thammintch=Grunge Paper

Grunge Paper= Oompa Loompa Moistener

Oompa Loompa Moistener=K.L.O

K.L.O=Doorstop

Doorstop=Lopez Corn

Lopez Corn=La Cucaracha

La Cucaracha= Pleeeeeeez

Pleeeeeeez= Argh

Argh= Soup Chorgan

There you have it, folks. Another hearty dose of listage from Daniel Kirkham. Let's see, what else is new... I think that might just wrap it all up. Bean, getcho blog baggup, shawty! That thing was Hilarious! Um...K, well this concludes the beginning of the new age of Daniel's Blog! More to come very soon!
PS- Somebody gimme some money. Please? I'll be awesome and do a lil' dance! K I'm done.

ROCK!...'D!

2008-04-15T15:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, my last post was in February? Egad boy, Pull yourself together! Anyway, me and my friend Isaac have been practicing some songeth(Him on the drums, me on vocals and SHUH-REDDING guitar) and we entered the school talent show this thursday. We're gonna play "The Greatest View" By Silverchair, and we're gonna ROCK! Videos soon. Also, if I know you, and you play the bass, and you're between the ages of like 12-14, we need you to play the bass! Eth! In our Band! Ok, I'll stop now. Bye. Idiot.

So...

2008-02-12T16:13:00.000-08:00

Me and my friend both got guitars for Christmas, and my other friend's getting drums when school ends, so we were all thinking that logically the next step for us all would be to form a band. I know, it will probably never happen, and if it does, we'll probably suck, but we're gonna try anyway. Dangit all, we need some kid who plays the bass... Anyway, if you have any suggestions on anyhting at all, or any band name suggestions (an area that we're kind of... lacking in...), please don't hesitate to do so. Or i'll kill you with the power of ROCK.

Mean while, here's a picture of Little billy shatner and his show and tell.

Goodness...

I Made a List

2008-01-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

I was bored in English class because my fat teacher was sitting at her desk eating pie, so i made a list.
A list:
Spartans
Vacuum Cleaner
Cell phone Angel Hair
William Shatner
Mr. Spock
Live Long and Prosper
Electric Bass Guitar
Nuclear Bomb
The Magic Reindeer
Bob Marley
Ron Weasley
A Piece of Cake
Pumpkin
Log
Leafy Greens
Creamy Ranch Dressing
The Utah War
Dodgeball
Leroy Munson
Beef
Lemons
Ruben Studdard?
Bon Jovi
Seafleace
Pomegranates
Coconut Lime Sauce

My top 3 songs of '07

2008-01-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

So I liked a bunch of songs in the last year. Despite the evil rein of Fallout Boy, Soulja Boy, And Boys Like Girls, (Hey, the all have the word boy in them! My prophecy is being fulfilled!) music has survived well into the new milennium. Three albums really caught my attention this year, though, and i'm gonna tell you my Favorite songs from each. Here 'goes!
#3: Doomsday Clock
Album- Zeitgeist
Artist- Smashing Pumpkins
Yes! These guys brought out their new album to show us they can still rock, and it worked for me! From the 5 second drum intro to Billy Corgan's perfectly executed vocals, this epic song about the end of the world ROCKS! And the inclusion on the Transformers Soundtrack was a nice touch, next to all that Linkin Park and crap rap. Or something. I didn't actually listen to the soundtrack.
#2- Bodysnatchers
Album- In Rainbows
Artist- Radiohead
This is the song it played when i had a dream i was a hippy hanging out with the Beatles. And then robin williams showed up and started acting like a T-Rex. Really had that dream. And this song actually did play in the background. It's so psychadelictastic, you won't know which way to turn around when you're done listening to it (which won't be until after listening to it like 10 times it's that good.). From the opening guitar part that's like "Dooj doojjitty DOOJ! doojy doojitty DOOJ! doojjy doojy DOOJ!"... (k, not all things should be translated into words. Especially Guitar Riffs.) to the trademark vocal style of our lazy eyed buddy Thom Yorke, this song rocks out Old School.
And #1 is...
STRAIGHT LINES BY SILVERCHAIR FROM THEIR ROCKTASTIC NEW ALBUM YOUNG MODERN!
So it's not as heavy as those other two, but this song's just pure genius. It was hard to choose between this and the track after it, "If you keep losing sleep", but in the end the feel good song of the year won out. Plus i'm a sucker for Piano Riffs. Dan's voice has just gotten better with age. This trio has really evolved since they were angry 14 year olds from some random Austrailian town, but it's for the better.
LONG LIVE THE CHAIR!

I'm really looking forward to some of the albums coming out this coming year, such as Coldplay's yet to be named Masterpeice in the Making. Hope it's as good as I anticipate it to be.

D-War: The aftermath.

2008-01-08T16:05:00.000-08:00

It was the little things that made this movie suck. Like the horrible acting, Random plot holes, and Luh-Luh-Luh LAME humor. Like the fact that there's one scene in the movie where they're driving down the street. Cut to a shot of a hobo sitting by the street in his box, and a random bus comes by and splashes water on him. And then the bum shouts out " YOU LOUSY BUM!"... Cut back to main characters in the car. O...k...? Oh... I get it... the guy was a bum. Ha...ha...ha...
This movie was reportedly the BIGGEST BUDGET KOREAN MADE MOVIE...EVER!? Wow. That pretty much says it all. This movie had the best special effects i've ever seen. They wasted all their money on special effects so that they couldn't afford to get the people in it acting lessons. The director was korean i guess, and i can just see him planning this going " AMERICANS LOVE BIG KOREA MONSTA MOVIE! WE MAKE JOKE ABOUT BUM SO THAT MUCH BUM FALL OUT OF SEAT! I MAKE JOKE!" Yeah, you make bum joke. And when the dude goes to find the girl in the hospital, the lady at the desk is lik " Oh no, she's on quarantine." " Oh but i need to talk to her." Says the hero. " Okay walk right on in"... Yeah... Where did that random hole come from at the beginning? Where did that good dragon come from? WHAT oh WHAT will ever happen to that POOR BUM!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I don't know. And I never will. Seriously though, I was rolling in my seat laughing the whole time. Definitely worth a rental if you enjot making fun of dumb crap. Until next time, I'm smarter than you.

D-War: Here's the last part.

2008-01-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

So the next day, the guy and girl get kidnapped by the FBI or something. Yep, that's all that happens. No explaination. So while they're kidnapped, some dude shoots the hero guy in the head. After the dude that shot him is randomly shot, the Hero gets up and says " I'm Fine." Without even a " Oh, it hit my pendant", they escape. Riiiiight. Everyone's frickin' FINE in this movie. So they get picked up by a helicopter and discover that the Snake's rampaging through the city. The snake starts climbing up some building for no reason, and its Pterodactyl Minions are trying to escape the multiple helicopters in vicinity. So the couple randomly jump out of the helicopter, fall 200 feet down, AND...land softly on a building. That's right, they jump out of a helicopter, and they're fine. They're FINE. At least that's more than this movie can say. So, they decide to " Escape to Mexico!"...Like jumping across the border's gonna save them from this dragon who came from Ancient Korea. But they decide to go to Mexico. So they get in the car, and drive to mexico. Next thing you know, they're in some place that looks like Mordor. (At this point my brother leaned over and said " Where the hell are they? Mars?" Yeah. So There's a random castle and a pedastal being stood on by none other than... SHRIMP THROAT VADER! "But I thought the ran over this treacherous VILLAIN!?" Well, so did I. So they're gonna sacrifice the girl (Yep, that's it. They're just gonna sacrifice her.) to the snake when... SOME RANDOM SNAKE WE'VE NEVER HEARD OF SHOWS UP AND KILLS THE OTHER SNAKE BUT NOT BEFORE HE TURNS INTO AN ACTUAL DRAGON!... WHICH IS THE FIRST DRAGON WE'VE SEEN!... THE WHOLE MOVIE! So in the end, the girl turns into a ball of blue light, jumps into the dragon's mouth, and the dragon leaves the guy there on mars. That's how it ends. The dude's just sitting there, wondering " But how am I supposed to get home?" and it just ends...Yaaaaaay.....

D-War: The Second Part.

2008-01-07T21:37:00.000-08:00

The old man starts telling the kid he's the reincarnated form of an ancient korean (?) warrior who was supposedly trained his whole life to kill some giant snake. And he's in love with some girl who is like housing the spirit of some other GOOD (yeah...I don't get it either) snake who's supposed to do - Oh I give up on explaining this part. Anyway, when the giant snake's army comes (headed by some guy who talk like darth vader with a shrimp stuck in his throat), the giant snake comes to kill the guy, chases him and his loved one to some cliff, and the guy grabs the girl and jumps off the cliff. Yeah, so much for "Trained your whole life to kill this thing." Anyway, after that HALF HOUR of the movie was over, me and my brother were looking at each other starting to burst into tears laughing at how bad it was. We looked over, and, as expected, my other bro and my dad were also laughing. The rest of this was followed by the dude trying to find the reincarnated version of that chick from the story. He's got his two best weapons at his disposal: A fat black dude and the internet. So he finds the girl. But not before the girl has a heart attack, is hospitalized, and then the giant snake somehow shows up in downtown San Francisco. So the Dude finds her, the go walking on the beach
(all this while the giant snake's rampaging through the city) and the fall in love. This is actually how hard the story was to understand, really it was. So they're driving along in the car later, with the black guy, and the Vader with a Shrimp in his throat show up! Fortunately, he can be hurt by cars. Yeah, they slam into him. So the black guy gets out 'n' starts trying to fight the dude. And he actually does pretty good... UNTIL THE DUDE SLAMS THE BLACK GUY IN THE HEAD. So the guy and the girl just drive away. "Where's jim?" says the girl. "Oh , i'm sure he's fine..." says our Emo Hero. I'M SURE HE'LL BE FINE? This guy got slammed in the head by shrimp-throat vader and YOU'RE SURE HE'S FINE? Oh, but the next day when we see him, all he has is a band-aid on his head. He was fine. Ok, HE'S FINE EVERYONE!
end of part 2 of my description of this CRAP!

D-War: There IS a reason you've never heard of it.

2008-01-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

So in the summer of 2007, my mom and sisters left on a road trip or something. Me and my brothers and my dad decided to do something. So we got online to order tickets for a movie. I suggested we go see the Simpsons Movie (HAAAAA! Lelujah!) but we'd already seen that. So we rolled over an ad for a movie called D-War (which I'm assuming stood for Dragon War) and thought "Hey, That looks like it would be worth 2 hours of our time!". This is where the first mistake happened : We bought tickets to see this movie. So we go to lunch first (they closed down Tony Roma's!) and then we walked into the theater. That was the second mistake. We went and sat down, and the movie started: There's a picture of a giant crater that is NEVER mentioned in the movie again. Some guy looks at it, goes back to his apartment, and says "This reminds me of something from my past!"... Ok... we waited for him to say something else, but that was it. *Wavy Flashback!...'d!*. So a kid (who apparently was the young version of this strapping lad) walks into an antique shop with his dad! And there's a creepy old guy who's selling cool stuff for ridiculously low prices ($10 for that dagger on the table? How does this guy survive!). The kid goes and opens some box. That Kamehameha's him in the face. That is NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. Old man fakes a heart attack, dad leaves to "get help", and the old man goes over to the kid... End of part 1 of my description of this crapful movie.

'The fetch?

2008-01-07T16:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there! I've just created a blog for no particular reason! Here I'll post my opinions on various occurences, musical experiences, movies and shows, and some other stuff I'm too lazy to type on the keys that are half an inch away from my fingers! Odds are, about two people will read this...but oh well, it makes me feel important. K I'll stop talking about random stuff. I shall type crap at thee later. Bye.